Vile (2011)


Reviewed by R.T.K.

Currently drinking: coffee…its 6 am

Well patients of the ward, after an extremely annoying snafu with trying to get my computer fixed, im back to square one with a broken laptop. So once again, my movie choice is limited and my anger will not let me enjoy any movie I am about to watch. Lucky for you guys it should make for a pretty interesting review. So I fire up the Netflix and I see a movie titled ‘Vile’. Not a bad title. Directed by Taylor Sheridan (I guess he was on sons of anarchy, or directed it I don’t know). I was almost feeling positive when I saw the severed tooth clutched in the vice grip of a bloody pair of pliers, right on the title screen. Well maybe this won’t be so bad.
I am instantly welcomed with a most disturbing surgery scene. Which ended in the “doctor” putting some special pills in a briefcase? I’m sure they’ll explain that later.
On to the group of bra less teenagers camping in the woods. It does my heart good to see the old horror classic of a group of teenagers innocently awaiting the slaughter fest that will soon befall them. This is why I spent all my teenage years sitting at home watching movies and playing video games. It might have been what a sensible person would call “a waste of life” but at least my guts aren’t strewn about the forest. The kids that went out to have a “groovy” weekend at Crystal Lake cannot make the same claim now can they? Sorry for the pointless side story. The movie is pretty slow. Teens laying bout the forest talking about the future. Ok now they take off and find the creepiest gas station ever. Great place to stop. While getting fuel for the car, sexy older lady approaches younger man and asks for a ride. The sensible person would say no. let’s see how he responds. Aaaaaand he says yes. Well I’m sure there wouldn’t be a movie if he said no. this guy sucks at sneaking a peek. Gets caught every time. Girlfriend is getting angry obviously. They drop her off at her car and the lady insists on getting some gift for the trouble. I think we all see where this is going. Yup, it went right in there, comes back donning full gas mask and fills the car with, what in assume is, that magical knock out gas that only exists in Hollywood. I would kill for a bottle of that stuff.
The group is slowly coming to consciousness, tied to chairs. There is another group of people in the room discussing what to do with them. When they wake up one of the guys from group B. walks up and cuts on of the girls from group A. black guy form group A jumps up and knocks him out. Big fight breaks out. Mass confusion. Group B is trapped too. When black guys inquires as to why he ripped of his girlfriend’s finger nail, the mention a tape that group B watched and insist the group A watch as well. When they watch the tape a very ugly woman comes on the screen and explains that they have 22 hours to complete certain difficult and painful tasks to escape the house and if they don’t work together the device attached to the back of their neck will slowly kill them….wait a minute….AHHHH FUCK!!!! IT’S A GODDAMN SAW RIPOFF! Just when I thought this movie was going to be good…damn you Taylor Sheridan! Ok ok fine! Ill finish the damn movie…but I won’t like it!
The pills in the beginning are, apparently, a drug made by the adrenaline produced by the body during extreme distress or pain. So the point of the movie is to collect their adrenaline. Ok, so it’s not exactly SAW, it’s worse. At least jigsaw was torturing people to help them. This bitch is trying to get rich by peddling drugs. We then quickly find out what happens when you pull out your device…you fuckin die!
They don’t even have to complete any tasks. They just have to produce the adrenaline. Under the timer there is a percentage bar and when it fills presumably they will be free. So one of the black guys sits down and all the white people take turns beating the shit out of him. Its subtle, but its racism. After the slug fest they only jump up 5%. Next idea? Tie the same guy to a table and mercilessly stab him and crack him with bats and break his bones. The idea was that everyone was to take turns being tortured. After seeing how bad the little Asian girl hurt the black guy they decide not to…wow. What a buncha dicks. So new plan. The new plan? Do nothing. The little Asian girl suggests just waiting for the clock to run out, I bet the black guy you just mutilated wishes you thought of that a little earlier. After some arguing with the extremely annoying Asian girl. They all decide to torture themselves until they make enough adrenaline to leave. Begin the montage of pain! The person, who wrote this movie, really has a thing for ripping of fingernails. I also don’t like the whole “the men have to step up and take the pain”. Men have a higher pain threshold, naturally. If they wanted to get out faster they should have gone after the women first. Oh Jesus, in true horror movie fashion. The white girl is going to ruin everything by giving the boyfriend painkillers no pain= no adrenaline. So he gets tortured even harder! Now it’s all the women’s turns. Of course the first lady wants no part in it. She was all for getting out when everyone else was getting tortured, now all the sudden she doesn’t want to. Oh and the dumb broad that gave her boyfriend pills decides it’s a great time to tell the group she is pregnant. So this girl is trying to use that as an excuse to get out of her turn. Other black guy knocks out annoying Asian girl! Thank god I hate that bitch. Stupid Asian girl wakes up and attacks black guy. Gets knocked out again. And now it’s her turn to get tortured. Yaaaaay!!!! This is going to be the best part of the movie. And she pulls out a knife…and kills one of the girls. They didn’t check her for weapons!? Its black guy’s girlfriend…she after all this self-inflicted mayhem. We come down to one hour left and 85%. After an extreme pain fest. They hit 100% with a half an hour left. While they all one by one have their vials removed and are let out. Well this is kind of a nice ending. You know there seems to be a recent trend in movies, where the bad guy is always winning, it is actually quite refreshing to know that they are all going to get out of this ok. With only three people left to acquire freedom, first black guy, and a couple. The boyfriend goes through to help other black guy. Wait a minute, when he goes through the revolving door, all the survivors are laying on the floor dead or dying. The long haired hippy guy has gone on a killing spree. Hmm, well that shut me up. All they while girlfriend is trying to help black guy out of the house, when he reveals that he sells the drug that they are making with their adrenaline. She still tries to help but the house resets and the machine retracts so she can’t leave. That’s what you get for helping! Boyfriend then chases hippy guy, he’s been working for them the whole time. I should have added this to my list of rules. Check them for weapons! Because boyfriend pulls out a knife and kills hippy guy! Then realizing he can’t help anyone, leaves, like a smart person. Fast forward to boyfriend in a diner. It’s been a while because he is now covering with tattoos. He is fixed at looking out the window. The camera goes into focus and we see he is across the street from the gas station where he met the older woman that got him into this whole mess. And guess who he sees out in front of the gas station? That’s right the older woman that started this whole mess. Later that night she tries to trick another Good Samaritan. Only to have boyfriend ambush her. He gets in the car and credits. I’m going to assume, he’s about to take her to a private place and get medieval on her ass.
Well, defiantly surprised. Especially since I picked this movie with the soul intention of making fun of it, but I gotta be honest and say I really can’t, well not too much at least.

Ok, now time for some meaningless freakin ratings.

Acting: 3/5 not great, not sucky

Music: N/A

Production/effects: 5/5 did not have any gore happen off screen; you had a front row seat to the pain. The make up on the wounds was impressive.

Gore: 4/5 gruesome, found myself cringing often, not a whole lotta buckets of blood, but enough to satisfy the sickest of sadists

Story: 2/5 its saw meets hostel. You think that combination would be great together. Didn’t quite hit the nail on the head though.

Overall: 3/5 watch this movie if you are entertaining a lady friend, shell sense that you’re an interesting guy. Ladies do the same for male callers.


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