Top 5 Horror Movie Bad Guys

By R.T.K.

Whenever I see a segment like this written, it always seems like there was some poll or vote taken and as a result of that poll or vote they have the information and the confidence to say “this is the definitive list of the top…something something”. I can’t make such a claim. I have taken no votes. I will just be sharing opinions. If you happen to disagree, feel free to leave your opinion in the comments!

5.) Chucky (Childs Play): probably the worst movie villain ever. Yes he is funny and the movies are entertaining, but as a monster, that I am supposed to be scared of? No…He doesn’t cut it. I’m sorry I’m not scared of him at all. Give him a big knife, give him a bazooka, hell, and give him control over Satan himself. I’ll always know that as a reasonable person I could kick the crap out of him. Anyone being attacked by Chucky just needs to find a nice pair of shoes, shit, even some sandals and punt his ass out the window. Again I feel I need to stress, I do enjoy child’s play and all the sequels. I am just not scared of him.

4.) Michael Myers (Halloween):

Now we are talkin. Much better looking as a bad guy. Big, scary, menacing. Doesn’t say a word. Normally I would say that’s a bad thing but I think that for him it would sound pretty damn cheesy if he was spouting one liners while killing people. It works on him. Weapon choice not the best. Kitchen knives are cute, but I think when you become experienced it’s time to graduate. The cops have gun, most Americans have guns. It’s time to grow up and get a real weapon. As bad ass as you are, it’s always a great idea to have an advantage.

3.) Freddy Krueger (Nightmare on Elm Street): alright now this is what I’m talking about. One of the most important things I think makes a great monster is having supernatural abilities, and as far as supernatural abilities Freddie takes the cake and kills it in its sleep. His height is a major disadvantage, and his signature weapon is good for terrorizing teens, but is slightly ineffective. Short length knives on one hand. Can’t really replace any of the blades if they break. Be that as it may, they are iconic in horror. Very funny, Freddie has a personality. A great personality. He’s witty and can make ya laugh while disembowels you.

2.) Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th): magnificent….supernatural power? Can’t fuckin die. Been alive forever. The  very definition of a monster.

Huge muscular build, which allows him to swing his big ass machete right through a dumb teenagers face! His machete…now there’s a weapon. Bigger than a knife, stronger than a sword. Again no talking, again good idea. Now there is a reason he not number one to me. Mommy issues. You can be the biggest bad ass in the horror universe when the snap of your mom’s fingers can make you no longer lust for a bloody rampage.

1.)Leatherface (Texas Chainsaw Massacre): Here we are. The pinnacle of bad guys. Big, he’s not a monstrous size but he’s no scrawny guy either he’s got meat and muscle. Crazy, his supernatural ability? He’s fucking nuts! Jason and Michael both can succumb to emotion for at least one person. Leatherface don’t give a fuck! He will mindlessly slaughter anyone for no reason. The best weapon in horror, bar none. Knife? Small, easily replaceable, not bad ass.

Machete? Nice try. Big, scary, but has a small chance not to spray blood guts all over. Well Leatherface takes care of all of those by wielding a chainsaw! Big, scary, sprays several pints of blood and guts all over anywhere, and intimidating. The screaming buzz emitted for the power tool just ruins my night in the correct setting. I know what you’re thinking. It’s too loud so he can’t sneak up on people. Well I got news for you jack; you don’t need to sneak up on any one when you are an apex predator in any particular situation. You don’t hang back and wait for the weaklings like a lion. You blitz the mother fucker and he can think about stupid he was for being there in the first place as long as his brain is still in his head for the moment; he might as well use it for something productive. Like a T-rex. In conclusion Leather face is a T-rex.

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2 Responses to “Top 5 Horror Movie Bad Guys”

  1. I love your explanation for why Leatherface is the truest badass of them all. Couldn’t agree more. Well done!

  2. Thanks dude! and Happy Halloween!

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